The other night I put on the movie ‘P.S. I Love You’ and I sobbed my heart out. And it was cathartic as fuck. I died a thousand deaths while I watched it. I was heartbroken, and it felt amazing.
When the movie was over, I hugged my husband, and I felt eternally grateful that I could wrap my arms around him and hold him close to me.
There’s this idea going around, in the New Age/Spiritual/Hipster community, that you have to be positive all the time.
You have to think positive.
You have to feel positive.
You have to BE the living embodiment of positivity; because if you think negative thoughts, even for one second, you’re going to draw that kind of energy to you. And who wants to be smothered by bad juju?
I find this incredibly unrealistic.
We, as humans, have an incredibly wide range of emotions. Not all of them are positive.
In fact, I think that in order to feel all those happy, positive thoughts, we need to know what the negative and uncomfortable ones feel like too. It’s part of being human.
There is nothing more harrowing than losing someone you love. There’s a sublime tragedy to loss (that you probably wouldn’t recognize while you sob into a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter Fudge.)
Learning how to process your emotions is an important part of the human experience. That’s why I think every child should have a pet. Eventually, the death of that pet opens the door for children to learn about loss, and how to cope with it. (It can obviously teach them a whole host of other things, including responsibility, but for the point of the post I’m just referencing the loss of the pet.)
When my Facebook wall is full of memes that say things like, ‘It’s self-harming to attach negative descriptions to life’s events…” it drives me mental.
Sometimes I feel mad about things.
Sometimes I feel sad about things.
Sometimes I get frustrated as fuck with people.
And that’s alright.
That doesn’t mean that I’m only going to draw negative people or experiences to me.
That doesn’t mean that my world is a swirling vortex of negativity. No. It means I’m human.
I am grateful for the life I have, for the life experiences I’ve had (good and bad), and they have culminated together to make me who I am today.
When I was 16-years old and my uncle died. My uncle who had helped raise me, who I hadn’t seen the year prior to his death due to some family stuff that was going on.
When I was 17-years old and my boyfriend broke up with me and I thought I was going to die without him because there was an empty spot where my heart should be.
The moment I found out I was pregnant, and realized there was no way I wanted to raise a child with him, and chose to do it on my own (with the generous help of my family).
The first time my now-husband and I broke up. (When it occurred to me that when I was 17, maybe I didn’t really know what it felt like to have a hole in my heart, because now I felt like I had a literal gaping hole in my heart.)
After we were married, and my husband and I were fighting so much that I took our 3 kids and I went to stay with my mom. That was most definitely a negative experience. But it helped both myself and my husband seek the help we needed to grow.
We went to counselling. We built our communication skills. We grew together. We set up boundaries.
These are all experiences that sucked. They hurt. They were hard.
But they forced me to grow. They forced me to learn.
And I maintain a very positive attitude most of the time.
I believe true love always wins.
I cry at the opening scene from the Lion King, when Rafiki presents Simba to the heard.
I believe that ‘mistakes’ are learning experiences. I don’t believe in failure, because there’s always something to learn from a given situation.
My best friend once told me that my super power is forgiveness. And I believe him.
I believe it’s important to be positive. To manifest the things you want you have to open yourself up energetically.
I believe that overall, a positive outlook will yield happier results in life.
But I don’t think that ignoring or pretending that negative feelings don’t exist is a healthy outlook either.